ON TRANSITIONING: Pet Peeves of the TG Community

Last Updated: 09/05/2008

Once I transitioned and got acquainted with a ton of TG people, I realized that there are serious problems within the transgender community. NOTE: With all things I write, keep in mind that I’m not saying everyone in the trans community is this way, but this is a problem worth addressing or else it won’t get fixed. If you are one of the people this applies to then please—do yourself and the entire world a favor by changing your attitude. These people are poison.

 

Haters are the biggest problems in the trans community. For those unfamiliar with that word, urbandictionary.com defines a hater as the following:

Hater (noun):

“ A person that simply cannot be happy for another person's success.

So rather than be happy they make a point of exposing a flaw in that person.

Hating, the result of being a hater, is not exactly jealousy. The hater doesn’t

really want to be the person he or she hates, rather the hater wants to knock

someone else down a notch.”

 

Fact is, from my personal experience, the majority of trans people are unwilling to help others because they’re jealous of the progress another transman is making. In 2005, I looked to livejournal.com communities for guidance from other transmen and when I posted that I was going to start testosterone at 17, I got a slew of responses devoid of logic (and coherence) that were written simply out of spite because I was starting testosterone and those others weren’t and couldn’t for a very long time. I observed in those same livejournal communities (and there are MANY of them) that the constant bickering and arguing ultimately had no purpose, it was just a bunch of bitter guys slinging their egos around and putting other transguys down. So many transguys were snobby to newer transguys, treating them like nuisances instead of embracing them and realizing that not everyone comes into this journey with the same views and body of knowledge. Not every tranguy wants to parade down the street with a rainbow flag, and likewise, not every transguy wants to be a closeted male who pushes his past in the dark. I got tired of dealing all with the reoccurring bullshit (and I know many older transguys shared this sentiment), and eventually separated myself from these online communities that used to bring transmen from all corners of the world together in a safe (and at times, anonymous) forum of discussion.

 

At transgender events, which are organized to promote trans UNITY, I notice the egos flying around the room among transmen to assert their dominance. I’m unfamiliar with the MTF community but from my transwomen friends, I hear it’s the same on their side too. These guys with egos I’m speaking of will come up to you, and do annoying things like look you up and down, stare to see if you have facial hair, size you up, run a critical eye over your clothing, and general appearance. A lot of people know what I’m talking about, because whenever you meet another transguy, you get into an invisible penis sizing match to see who is manlier than the other.

 

The reason is, the majority of transmen are insecure with themselves—this is just plain fact. If you’re going to hate me for telling the truth, then at least acknowledge my statement for what it is—the cold, hard truth. The majority of transmen grew up in backgrounds without support of any kind, the majority were bullied as kids for being different, and were ostracized/harassed even more once they committed to transitioning. Whether it’s parents, extended family, friends, colleagues, or co-workers, the road of a transman is rough (the understatement of the century) because people have mistreated him throughout his life. The majority of transmen live the rest of their lives trying to affirm their masculinity to other people, and above all, trying to quell their own internal conflicts and convince themselves that they are men. These kinds of experiences can leave mental and emotional (and physical) scars on a person, and can make someone so bitter in life that seeing another transman reach his goals sooner and with ease is simply unbearable. The insecurity and rough life is what transforms a transman from a nurturing potential big brother role model to an isolated and selfish individual who distances himself from the trans community for fear of his diminished masculinity.

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My life hasn’t been as difficult in comparison to the other stories I’ve heard, and while I was temporarily disowned, my life is much more comfortable with my financial and educational needs being covered 100% by my parents. I am financially supported by my parents, they don’t support my transition, but everything else is covered such as health insurance, car insurance, they pay for gas, rent, school tuition, books, vacations, etc. etc. Basically, they’re being my parents again. Not only that, I’ve gotten my name change already done at the age of 18, all my therapy is done and I’m cleared for surgery, and my testosterone shots are easily accessible and free from Children’s Hospital. I imagine that my life, even though I have not gone out of the way to offend anyone, has pissed a lot of transmen off. I know this because I’ve been the target of inappropriate comments and actions from transmen I don’t even know. I’m not and never have tried to rub the details of my life in anyone’s face, and I’m offended by anyone who thinks my life has been a cake walk paved with gold roads, butterflies, and fairies. If you think this was easy-- come try my shoes on.

 

Each individual ransmen walks HIS OWN PATH because no one’s life is the same even if they weren’t transgender, it makes no sense for transmen to compare their lives to someone else’s.

 

The message, in all bold, capitalized, font: STOP HATING ON TG GUYS WHO HAVE MADE MORE PROGRESS THAN YOU AND BE SUPPORTIVE. WE ARE ALL IN THIS TOGETHER.

 

I cannot stress how important it is for trans unity when 90% of the world still thinks we have a psychological disorder, when we’re discriminated against in the workplace and in just about every institution, and how people like us are still actively persecuted and killed. We can’t be spending this time bitching, whining, and backstabbing each other over fickle things like how much more facial hair one guy has over another. We’re on the verge of huge progress with the emergence of transgender actresses and actors on television in addition to a slew of great transgender documentaries made to educate the masses. Oprah even featured TGs.

 

I made this website because I wanted to help transmen achieve their dreams, because I’m secure with myself. I am not threatened by younger transmen and never have been because I know a younger transguy getting his testosterone does not threaten my supply. I have nothing to lose and everything to gain from uplifting an individual who is struggling and confused whether it’s with advice, encouragement, knowledge, or just a little guidance via a nudge in the right direction.

 

Throughout my journey, I’ve gotten help from so many incredible transmen and women. Without their help, I’d have long killed myself, and you wouldn’t know who the hell I was. I’m thankful to those few people (but there are really more haters than helpers as of August 2008) who change lives and push individuals to reach their full potential. If you’re part of the problem as I’ve mentioned above then admit to yourself that you’re bitter and let go of that resentment. Understand that younger transguys and those seeking information about us and our journey are not threats to you, and they’re not the cause of your hardships. In fact, they should make you feel less alone and uplift you because you’ve found friends to accompany you in your journey.

 

I’m done dealing with the friction in the trans community over bloated egos and nagging insecurities, until I see a change, you’ll unlikely see me at transgender functions and events. However, this website will always be here and as I journey through life, I will never hesitate to help another transman or woman.

 

I am the change I want to see in the world.

 

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