The Million Dollar Question: What is Gender Dysphoria?

Last Updated: 03/19/2008

It's called many things, some names include, but are not limited to: gender dysphoria, transsexualism, gender identity disorder, and so on and so forth. Gender dysphoria is the term I accept, I don't care much for 'transsexualism' or 'gender identity disorder' since the first term has many negative connotations attached to it and the second one makes it sound like I'm mentally ill-- which I'm not, if you haven't gathered that already. I'm not here to give the scientific explanation of my situation, because to my knowledge, I'm not a trained professional and there isn't one. Scientists have speculated that during pregnancy, when the fetus is developing, through some hormone malfunction, the brain develops one gender and the sexual organs develop another way. Others say that it's due to environmental reasons, such as influence from society, trauma, abuse, and etc. ... I'm not interested with what causes gender dysphoria and I don't care to play the blame game since it's totally counter productive. I'm not going to debate with anyone about this, the bottom line is that I'm stuck with this situation, and I had to deal with it or accept being angry and miserable for the rest of my life.

Look at it this way ... at this very second, this very moment, somewhere in the world a girl is being raped, a boy is being strapped to a bomb, a soldier is bleeding to death, a woman is giving birth to a new life, a son is dying from cancer, a daughter has just woken from a coma, and so on and so forth. Life is short and far too chaotic for people to be petty and hateful over something as insignificant as who I want to marry, which restroom I want to use, what name I want to be called, which pronouns I want to be addressed with, and what's underneath my clothes. If we only have one life to live, then this it is folks. We're all in it together stuck on this chunk of rock called earth. Tomorrow you could walk out the door and have a car skid into you without warning, without explanation-- that's just the way it is. If you're going to make a grab for happiness, it might as well be now. I live life with a sense of urgency, and though I'm considered young by many people, I'm making my grab-- and no one can deny me that.

I was born in a body with female parts, but my mind was always male. Since I could remember, I was attracted to girls and acted and felt like a boy. My life isn't hectic and out of control, a common misconception is that all transgender people are sexually promiscuous, druggies, suicidal, and/or insane freaks of nature. I speak for myself when I say my life is nothing like that. I don't prey on little kids (that's so ridiculous it's laughable), I don't shoot up cocaine in my veins, I don't drink hard liquor-- I grew up as normal as it gets, nothing exciting. I was never abused, mistreated, or traumatized in any way. Except for this, I suppose I'm a relatively boring person. I've never colored my hair, I have no piercings, no tattoos, I have straight A's and am in college studying to become a surgeon, I don't 'rebel' against my parents, I have a religion that I'm loyal to ... basically, I'm a productive member of society.

Speaking from experience, let me just say that being gender dysphoric is not a choice. Yes, it's a choice to transition, but it's not a choice to have gender dysphoria. Let me give you an analogy to clear things up: it's not a choice to have cancer, but it is a choice to seek treatment. This isn't a game and isn't something to be taken lightly, gender transitioning isn't like playing dress-up, it's a life-changing decision with severe consequences in certain cases. In the process, I've alienated my family and some of my friends, I've suffered severe emotional pain, I'll need to endure multiple surgeries, I'll need to spend thousands on said surgeries, and other unpleasant things. no one in his or her right mind would choose this path if he or she didn't believe it was necessary. Therefore, I seriously doubt-- no, I know for a fact-- that being gender dysphoric or anything else LGBT related is not a choice. Hell, if I could live as a girl in this body, I would love to! I don't want to put my family and friends through this process if it wasn't necessary. Unfortunately, I can't identify with this gender in the least bit and I need to do/and have done something about it.

I am who I am and I can only follow the path my heart's telling me to follow (not to get mushy on you ... heh). But I digress, for more on my life, check the me section. This area is reserved for gender dysphoria.

FTM stands for (female-to-male) and MTF stands for (male-to-female). Last I heard, 1 in 10,000 people have gender dysphoria. Punching in the numbers, globally, the total number of transgender people comes out in the millions. It's not as rare as some people think, in fact, you've probably seen and talked to a trans person without knowing it. With help from hormones and surgery, a combination of both, or neither-- stealth transgender people are everywhere. I'm not trying to phrase this like it's an invasion of the body snatchers or anything, but really, there are so many transpeople in the world that it's unfathomable. I don't think many transpeople flaunt or advertise their status since it's unsafe in today's world, discrimination and physical violence are just some of the problems we face. However, we're here-- and we're not going anywhere any time soon.

This website is called Bryan XY because, of course, the chromosomes of a biological male are XY. I suggest browsing this site in the order the navigation bar is arranged, every page has a wealth of information that took me hours to type up, but I'm sure are beneficial. The top graphic was made by me, it shows approximately how I looked before and how I look now in cartoon-ish form ... I love that graphic so much, it cracks me up every time I glance at it.

I built this website to create another outlet and another beacon of information to represent the LGBT community. If I can enlighten just one person through my writing, then I've accomplished something tremendously profound. The LGBT community suffers from lack of positive exposure, and although millions of people are working to clear the fog and inform the masses, the responsibility is an enormous weight shouldered by too few, and the road to understanding is a long and turbulent one. This is one of my contributions to the cause, it might not be much, but it's certainly something. As Confucius once said:


"A journey of one thousand miles begins with a single step."